Saturday, June 04, 2005
It's Not About Me... Yeah, Right
I'm so sick of hearing that... I'm so sick of saying that (to myself). You just KNOW it's not true. Being a Christian, that's the lastest catch phrase we're all using. And, to our credit, we're TRYING to mean it. We WANT it to be all about Christ, but it always does come back to being about US. We can't help it, we're human, that's why Christ died for us. Dang, we're a mess.
You know some people believe that we're born all innocent little creatures. "There's no such thing as a bad child," they say. Or, "look at all those sweet and innocent little children..." Well, I tell you what, the Bible says our righteousness is like "filthy rags." Now, I used to think that was harsh and unfair. I used to be more of the mind that we were born okay and life/parents/hard times screwed us up, but you know I've changed my mind. If any of us were born even half way decent you can't prove it by me.
We obviously have the capability of developing some sort of control over the messes we are, because not all of us turn out to be messes and even some of us turn out to be a credit... a plus to this world, but I think our general bent is to be lookin' out for number one. This is truly not to criticize us as a race, just to state what I believe is a fact. Yep, we're a mess.
It IS about me... my whole life is about me to ME. I want stuff to be easy and nice for me. I want people to pay positive attention to me. I want people to notice how special I am and when they do, I think they're just noticing the truth LOL. It's so stupid. In reality, I'm probably nothing special. I write a little bit. I'm not bad at it but I suspect I'm not much better than slightly above average (this blog is not my best but it's not my worst either). I don't have any other particular talents. I'm not ugly and I've recently lost a great deal of weight so I get a lot of compliments on that, but I'm not terribly good looking either because I'm "past my prime." I certainly am not the brightest person in the world and I am definately not wealthy. If you've read any of this blog you'll know I'm not terribly sensual. I am definately a good employee, a hard working, I can credit myself for that at least, but there's really nothing special about me whatsoever... still, if somebody even gives a hint that I am in anyway special, I'll buy into it in a flash... because, of course to me, it's ALL about ME.
I wish I could honestly say, "It's not about me..." and I'm TRYING like heck to at least have a few minutes a day when maybe that's the truth... like I pray for other people... (so pin a medal on me... give me some heaven credit... see? it all goes back to me anyway... "Look, God, I thought about somebody else, see?") Maybe other people are not as self-centered as me but I suspect that if they think they aren't, it's only because they are not as honest with themselves or because they aren't looking as closely as I do. I intend to NOT let myself off the hook. If nothing else, when I meet God, I want to KNOW what to EXPECT when he raises that rod and staff.
BUT, Thank God He gave us Jesus. I'd be toasted in a bolt of lightning faster than the next sinner if I didn't have Jesus to intercede. Good grief, I'm such a loser. Sometimes I find it almost unbelievable that Jesus could absorb ALL these sins... no, worse than sins, all these deficiencies and all this taintedness and make up for it so that when I appear on judgement day, God will let me in those "pearly gates" as if I had lived in a way that made it seem it WASN'T all about me. Meanwhile, I keep trying, as best my selfish self can, to make it at least LESS about me and little MORE about Jesus but, let's be real -- it has SO been about me since the moment I was born and probably before.
You know some people believe that we're born all innocent little creatures. "There's no such thing as a bad child," they say. Or, "look at all those sweet and innocent little children..." Well, I tell you what, the Bible says our righteousness is like "filthy rags." Now, I used to think that was harsh and unfair. I used to be more of the mind that we were born okay and life/parents/hard times screwed us up, but you know I've changed my mind. If any of us were born even half way decent you can't prove it by me.
We obviously have the capability of developing some sort of control over the messes we are, because not all of us turn out to be messes and even some of us turn out to be a credit... a plus to this world, but I think our general bent is to be lookin' out for number one. This is truly not to criticize us as a race, just to state what I believe is a fact. Yep, we're a mess.
It IS about me... my whole life is about me to ME. I want stuff to be easy and nice for me. I want people to pay positive attention to me. I want people to notice how special I am and when they do, I think they're just noticing the truth LOL. It's so stupid. In reality, I'm probably nothing special. I write a little bit. I'm not bad at it but I suspect I'm not much better than slightly above average (this blog is not my best but it's not my worst either). I don't have any other particular talents. I'm not ugly and I've recently lost a great deal of weight so I get a lot of compliments on that, but I'm not terribly good looking either because I'm "past my prime." I certainly am not the brightest person in the world and I am definately not wealthy. If you've read any of this blog you'll know I'm not terribly sensual. I am definately a good employee, a hard working, I can credit myself for that at least, but there's really nothing special about me whatsoever... still, if somebody even gives a hint that I am in anyway special, I'll buy into it in a flash... because, of course to me, it's ALL about ME.
I wish I could honestly say, "It's not about me..." and I'm TRYING like heck to at least have a few minutes a day when maybe that's the truth... like I pray for other people... (so pin a medal on me... give me some heaven credit... see? it all goes back to me anyway... "Look, God, I thought about somebody else, see?") Maybe other people are not as self-centered as me but I suspect that if they think they aren't, it's only because they are not as honest with themselves or because they aren't looking as closely as I do. I intend to NOT let myself off the hook. If nothing else, when I meet God, I want to KNOW what to EXPECT when he raises that rod and staff.
BUT, Thank God He gave us Jesus. I'd be toasted in a bolt of lightning faster than the next sinner if I didn't have Jesus to intercede. Good grief, I'm such a loser. Sometimes I find it almost unbelievable that Jesus could absorb ALL these sins... no, worse than sins, all these deficiencies and all this taintedness and make up for it so that when I appear on judgement day, God will let me in those "pearly gates" as if I had lived in a way that made it seem it WASN'T all about me. Meanwhile, I keep trying, as best my selfish self can, to make it at least LESS about me and little MORE about Jesus but, let's be real -- it has SO been about me since the moment I was born and probably before.
